I was dressed in a suit, holding a portfolio full of printed resumes, walking through a large ballroom at Bowling Green State University, going table to table, and introducing myself to potential employers.
Throwback photo to 2016 & our MBA cohort reunion at BG!
Thereâs no way around itâŚI was uncomfortable.
At the time, I had a mentor named Wilbur. Yes, that was actually his first name.
He had built a successful career in banking and genuinely wanted to help. We were matched up as mentor and mentee. And one piece of advice he gave me often wasâŚ
"Allison, you've just got to network more." Itâs funny how I can hear him saying it even now.
And for years, I carried that advice with me to conferences, industry events, and into my 15-year corporate career.
But the word "networking" never sat quite right with me. It often felt forced and very transactional. Very âstiffâ feeling.
Like everyone was walking around trying to figure out what the other person could do for them. And we all knew it.
Then something definitely started to change when I began building my own business.
As I spent more time on LinkedIn and going to in-person events and coffee meetings, I realized I wasn't enjoying networking. I was actually enjoying the process of connecting.
And maybe that sounds like semantics, but I don't think it is. And I donât think it is because several times now, others have come up to me after I speak to tell me what a shift this particular part of my session was for them.
Because the truth is, when I show up trying to connect with someone rather than network with them, everything feels different. I genuinely look forward to the time together.
My focus shifts from...
"What will I gain?" to "Who is this person? I want to know more."
The conversation becomes more enjoyable and more natural. More free-flowing, if you will.
And ironically, I find itâs far more productive. I feel better about how Iâm spending my time.
So what does connecting actually look like?
Leading with genuine curiosity.
When you're truly curious about someone, your questions come naturally.
You're not waiting for your turn to talk or mentally rehearsing your pitch. You're listening and paying attention. You're leaning in to hear more about their story vs. caring so much about their credentials.
Often, itâs the things that don't appear in a job description.
The kids theyâve raised.
The most recent places theyâve traveled to see.
And yesâŚthe challenges theyâre navigating, like taking care of an aging parent.
It's not always about business.
These are the details of life where the real relationships start. We can attest to it in our personal lives, and it indeed carries over to our professional lives.
Dropping the desperation.
And maybe youâve been there personally or been on the other end of receiving this. But desperation tends to show up quickly in conversations when youâre focused only on hearing the word âYES!â
And donât get me wrong. Yes, sounds great. But when thatâs the dominating force behind the interaction all the time, networking quickly becomes the vibe with the intense ickiness most of us want to avoid.
In this scenario, when you come to the table feeling more desperate, the questions may decrease as you steer the discussion toward your offer more quickly. You feel pressure to explain why you're valuable. And those youâre talking with can sense it.
But connection removes that pressure because you're not trying to force an outcome. You're simply trying to understand another human being. Youâre trying to uncover whatâs going on with them and what theyâre dealing with.
And when that happens, conversations tend to feel lighter, easier, and more inviting.
Listening longer than feels comfortable.
One of the best things you can do when meeting someone is give them space to tell their story.
Not yours. Theirs.
If the relationship is meant to grow, you'll have opportunities to share your experience later. But early on, listening is often more powerful than talking.
People ALWAYS remember how you made them feelâŚgood and bad. And few things feel better as an individual than being genuinely heard in a conversation.
Helping however you can.
Letâs be realâŚsometimes a connection leads to business. And sometimes it doesn't.
But I still try to leave most conversations thinkingâŚ
"How can I help?"
Maybe it's making an introduction or sharing a resource. Maybe it's offering encouragement. Or all of these things.
Sometimes it's simply remembering something important they shared and being intentional enough to follow up later.
The best relationships I've built have come from this intention of caring enough to stay connected and keep the conversations going, because I simply want toâŚI want to see good things happen for the individual on the other side of the screen or table.
Maybe networking is what many of us were taught in school or early in our careers. But connection is what actually builds trust. Human-to-human conversations where we get more honest about the day-to-day and share our experiences.
And trust is what enables opportunities to happen over time.
So tell me...
What's one small way you can focus on connection instead of networking this week?
If you missed it this last week on LinkedIn, I did a session of "How to Grow Your Personal Brand and Business on LinkedIn" to a group of 50+ women working in the 9-5 and growing their own businesses.
I'm still on cloud 9 after this comment from a woman who was in my session...
"You were my favorite speaker of the day! Partially due to content but more because of your likability and delivery! Keep doing what your doing because you're super great at it! đ"
If you have an upcoming conference or if your organization would like to learn more about using LinkedIn, I would love to talk to you. Please reply to this email, and let's chat.